It has taken me years of marriage to fully come to terms with its significance. Contrary to popular opinion, marriage is more than a contract, it is a covenant.
The mistake a lot of couples make is that they think marriage is a happily ever after fairy tale that is sustained on feelings of euphoria and butterflies in the stomach. The truth? Marriage is commitment to the covenant made before God and to your spouse. It is never possible without making a sacrifice every day. Just as the new Covenant of Jesus-Christ was impossible without His death, so the marriage covenant is unthinkable if the spouses do not give up their own lives over each other. It is choosing to love your spouse even when you don’t feel like it. This is only possible through the power of the initiator of the covenant, God. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her’ Ephesians 5:21-22, 25 (NLT).
From the above Scripture, I’m convinced that love as portrayed in the Bible is primarily a choice and call to action. It is not a mere emotion. We have all heard the saying, ‘talk is cheap’ or ‘actions speak louder than words. ’This means that it’s not enough to just say the words, there has to be corresponding action.
Apostle John puts it this way – Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.1 John 3:18 (NLT).
Prayer is an essential part of every believer’s life, and even more so in marriage. Praying together as a couple strengthens the bond of marriage, it is also a way to seek God wisdom together. When you pray and come together to agree on matters, that discipline builds unity and strength in the marriage. Prayer is also where you fight for your marriage when difficult times come.
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‘1 Corinthians 7:5 (NLT).
Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. Matthew 19:6 (NLT).
The above scripture verse provides guidelines for when you want to dedicate yourself to a time of prayer and fasting. Agreement on both ends is not an option, it is non-negotiable.
These are some other very important components of marriage:
- Covenant faithfulness- God takes the covenant of marriage very seriously. This is the reason it cannot be entered into lightly. God expects a husband to remain faithful to the covenant he made to his wife, and vice versa.
You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. Malachi 2:14-15 (NLT).
- Powerful grace – God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Ephesians 2:8 (NLT). Grace is the free and unmerited favor of God. We are all recipients of God’s grace, and we need to remind ourselves of this truth when we’re tempted to judge our spouses harshly.
- Forgiveness in Christ- Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32 (NLT).
Forgiveness in the context of marriage is deliberately letting go of hurt and offense, and releasing any feelings of resentment you may have had toward your spouse. It also means restoring the communion and friendship that may have been broken. It is instructive to note that forgiveness is impossible without grace.
- Commitment to glorifying God- This (marriage) is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. Ephesians 5:32 (NLT).
Happiness, companionship, children; these are all beautiful benefits and components of marriage, but the primary purpose of marriage is to glorify God by showing the world the way Christ loves the Church. There is nothing more beautiful than a couple who makes honoring God their priority.
- Progressive sanctification- For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT).
One of the definitions of sanctification that fits this context is found on www.biblestudytools.com- Sanctification is the growth in righteous attitudes and behavior. Any seasoned married couple would tell you that they have had to grow up and out of habits, thoughts, or ideologies that were not in line with God’s word. The beauty of sanctification is that it brings you to a place where God’s plan and purpose for your life is fulfilled.
- Lifelong companionship- One of the purposes of marriage is companionship, someone to go through life with. The phrase “till death till do us part,” in wedding vows is a poignant reminder of this. It is important for couples who have children to remember that the children will leave at some point. The only constant in your marriage are you and your spouse, and you need to constantly nurture and cultivate companionship.
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NLT).
- God’s sovereignty- Sovereignty means to have supreme power and authority. This is who our God is, and recognizing this in marriage will cause couples to seek God first in all things.
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9 (NLT).
- Building and celebrating memories- The wedding, the honeymoon, the first house, dinner with friends, date night, gender reveals, baby’s first steps, family vacations, an evening stroll…these are a few of all the memorable things that happen in a marriage. Couples need to be intentional about making and capturing precious memories, they can serve as a reminder of the reason you got married when things get rough. More importantly, enjoy your marriage.
Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. Proverbs 5:18 (NLT)
- Continued love- Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is LOVE. 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT).
– Brother Al
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